FOOD TRUCK: Wholly Kabob
What's cooler than being cool? ICE-COLD!
The CRUELTIDE season is here. The wheat must be separated from the chaffe, the tinsel from the coal, and the POWERFUL from the COWERFUL!
DO YOU HAVE?!
- the guts to drink beers in a majestic, snowy ossuary?
- the fortitude to witness devastating PARTY WRESTLING SPECTACLE?
- the STRENGTH to yell, hang-out, and BATTLERAGE IN THE WINTERVOID?!
You do! You know you do! You must!
If you're ready, we'll be ready! MORE beer stations, bathrooms, and outdoor CHILL ZONES © means less waiting and maximum partying! $1 HELLSPORT LIGHT while supplies last! Delicious craft beer all night!
In addition to on-location-brewed beers, PWR's SEVENTH PARTY will feature fantastic holiday decor and human beings falling down over and over and over.
Do you want huge wrestling belts? We got em'!
PWR Master Smiths have returned to the FORGE OF SOULS to craft a new PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT. Who will wear wrestling's greatest honor? Think it's just a weight-lifting belt with aluminum cans taped to it? Think again! It's a source of XTREME PXWER, and only a true CHAMPEEN can wield it!
PWR's greatest Party Athletes are set to square off. Who made it back from the time portal we opened at our last show? You'll see, you'll know. You'll RADIATE WITH THE POWER OF ETERNAL PARTY JUSTICE!
DING! DING! DING!
That's the sound the bell makes!
DING! DING! DING!
The world's final bell peels its death knell to announce a Furious Wrestling Card:
The Foamster Memorial Foam Fumble
Most of our title contenders are either lost at sea, drunk or indifferent towards becoming PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION. We have assembled our most AVAILABLE wrestlers to compete in this thrilling title bout! In our BIGGEST MATCH EVER, 6 mystery competitors will FUMBLE ABOUT until only one remains. That person will be the new PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Can you believe it?!
Dazza Longbarrel vs. Dog X
Dazza killed and skinned a live alligator at JUDGEMENT SLAM. We watched in disgust as hands became tied by a bizarre loophole in Texas's hunting laws. But Dog X follows only one law: DOGLAW! Will Dazza finally get what's coming to him, or has Dog X bit off more than she can chew?
The Dumpster Babes vs. The Intergalactic Express
Tag-Team matchup! The Babes continue their filthy campaign against rules, decency, and cleanliness. We've matched them up against pair of tremendously powerful and agile wayward aliens. Space Justice vs. Trash Horror!
Chet Blitz vs. Dave Blaze in a CHARITY MATCH
Chet Blitz is a reknowned wrestler and surfer who loves to drink HELLSPORT! He is totally alive and fine. He is so fine, in fact, that he - and not his lawyer manipulating a pen in the hand of his lifeless body - has signed a match against snowboarder DAVE BLAZE! BONUS NOTE! The two were once partners in the wildly successful tag team called the Handbirds. All the proceeds of this match will be given to a charity of the winner's choice!
Primo Family Returns
More Tag-Team action! In their first present day battle, the combo of an Italian pizza chef and a spaghetti humunculous take on a surprise set of opponents. Now that's a spicy...WRESTLING MATCH!
Special Appearance by Chubby Uncle Juan and Puggin head
The beloved kid's show host and puppeteer will be do some of his classic routines. His little pal, Puggin Head, will flamethrower your hearts with Pvre Kvlt Pvrty Nvstalgia!
Live Science Experiment with Dr. Dorkenheimer
Dr. Julius Dorkenheimer nearly caused the extinction of humanity last time he invented something. He has apologized for creating an alternate timeline where machines constantly body-slam humans. This time, we've taken away most of his labspace and completely defunded him. All he has left is vinegar, baking soda, a vandegraff machine, and a couple cannisters of extremely potable HELLSPORT. Nothing can go wrong!
Hot Dog Announces his Next Challenger
The GARBAGEWEIGHT TITLE HOLDER and DERELICT CRUST PUNK known as HOT DOG will choose his next opponent! He's hinted that it could be any of these: Ice Cold Stan Boston, Hundo Supreme, a bunch of rats that move as one, and Rancid's Tim Armstrong.
The Night Mayor Volleys Threats
Formerly the defender of the Night, the ultimate POLITICIAN OF DARKNESS has threatened legal and spiritual action against us. He claims we are delinquent in filling out forms 420x, 696b, and 100c. We owe a fee of...our souls?! Who can stop his gerrymandering skeletal schemes? How many skeletons must die before this corrupt bureaucrat is stopped?
Some guy named Dadbod will be there, I think! Because of him, we have heard more Bachman Turner Overdrive songs than we knew existed!